HellaDumb Movie Reviews

By: Keith
Blair Witch 2:Book of Shadows

Directed by Joe Berlinger
90 mins. Rated R
Artisan

"5 more jackasses go into the Black Hills" should have been the title of the movie because it tells you everything you need to know. The story begins as you would expect, as a fake documentary. It seems that Burkittsville has been overrun by fans of the Blair Witch movie and the people of the town are doing what they can to cash in. One of the townsfolk decides to run a tour of the Black Hills. For his first tour, he guides four Blair Witch groupies (a goth girl, a witch, and two authors who are writing a book on the Blair Witch mania) into the woods so that they can see the different spots where the movie was filmed. The first night of their outing ends in confusion when the campers black out and wake up with their camp in ruins and no memory of what happened the night before. The only clue they have is the video tapes from the tour guide's video cameras that were left in the same spot that the film from the original Blair Witch was found. The group leaves the woods and go to the tour guide's house so that watch the tapes and figure out what the hell happened during the night.

I had a lot of problems with this movie. First off, during the film, you keep seeing flashes of really cheesy looking violence. It just doesn't belong and it is really distracting. Secondly, according to this film, Blair Witch Project was just a movie. The only real charm of the first film was the attempt to make it seem like it really happened and this film destroys all that. Thirdly, if you want to see some really bad acting, check out the sheriff! It was incredible.

All of this could be forgiven if the ending had a great payoff but, of course, it doesn't. I just sat in disbelief over the crap that they tried to use as an ending. Maybe it sounded good on paper but, it was just a big joke to me.

The only redeeming quality of the actual film for me was the witch. She was hot and she got naked a few times. See, I'm easy to please.

The DVD has a good commentary from the director who gives you the inside scoop on what he intended and what the studio "asked" him to change. What he planned sounds like it would have been better than what ended up on the screen but I guess we will never know for sure. The DVD also has select scene commentary by the film's composer and a puzzling little thing called "The Secret of Esrever"which claims that all sorts of mysterious stuff was caught on film while filming the movie...They seem to forget that everyone knows that you can do anything with computers and this "shocking footage" is just lame. One last feature of the disc is that you can flip the disc over listen to the score of the film in your normal cd player.


By: Keith
The Replacements

Starring:Keanu Reeves, Gene Hackman, Jon Favreau
Directed by Howard Deutch
118 mins. PG-13
Warner Bros. Pictures

A football strike causes team owners to put together teams of replacement players to finish off the season. So, coach Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman) puts together a team of wash-ups and guys that never had a shot for a chance to get into the playoffs. From there, it is your basic sports comedy. It's basically the football version of Major League or Mystery, Alaska. Each member of the team has some sort of problem that he has been dealing with and by the end of the film, he will face that problem and conquer it because that's how these movies work.

It goes by the numbers and you pretty much know what is going to happen next but if you just go with it you might be entertained. The standout of the film is Jon Favreau (Swingers) as the psycho linebacker. His character caused most of the enjoyment of the film for me. The other standout was that the cheerleaders were suppost to be stripers and some of them were hot. Check out their dance routine. Heh heh. The fault of the film is that, like I said before, you know what is going to happen next. Do you think that they will win the game? Hmmmm. Do you think that the head cheerleader (Brooke Laughton, who was the girl that Jon Favreau kept calling in Swingers) will fall in love with Keanu Reeves? Gosh, I wonder. Will Orlando Jones (the guy from the 7-up commercials) talk a lot and make his eyes bug out? I think that is a safe bet. Another problem that I had was that during the games, there were some players that I could not tell the difference between. Is that Orlando that is trying to catch the ball or is it the ex-con...or the priest? All in all, the film wasn't bad but it wasn't super. If you like feel good sports movies about a bunch of underdogs getting a shot at greatness, this will do the job.

The DVD has a few extras. There is a director's commentary that is ok. There are some lulls in it but, it is informative on a whole. There are also 2 documentaries on the disc. The first is a HBO First Look special that is hosted by Orlando Jones and it has some fun moments. The other is a special about how they set up the football games with the actors and that is fairly interesting. Rounding off the disc extras are the theatrical trailer and the film highlights of the cast and the director.

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